I grew up in a very middle-class household in Nepal. Like any parent, my parents wanted to give me what they didn’t have when they were growing up. One of those little luxuries that I had growing up was having a house-help. No matter how dire the financial situation would be at home, we always had a house-help. So, I never had to cook, clean, or do any household stuff. All my focus was on being good at my studies. Then, I got into my teens and moved to a boarding school. Even there, the situation was the same. I didn’t have to think about cooking, cleaning, doing my laundry or any basic chores I needed for survival. We had our Aaya Didis and Dais to do all that for us. All we had to do was learn to be ‘Independent’ and focus on our studies.
Then I came to Australia. I knew how to be ‘Independent’, so I had no difficulty adjusting here. That was one life skill that I had mastered. I studied full-time, worked part-time, and had fun causally. But I had to cook, clean, and do my laundry all by myself. So, I learnt to cook, clean, and do my laundry, but I just learnt what was absolutely necessary, which meant eating these 4-5 things interchangeably: chicken curry, cauliflower, rice, dal, and pasta. Then, when I got bored eating them, I would just eat out. That is one thing I just love about Melbourne. The abundance of good restaurants… I probably would not survive without them. Anyway, this strategy worked well for the next few years.
Well, many years passed, and then I became a Mum. Just being able to cook 4-5 essential things was not enough anymore. I had to be creative so that my son would eat. And that is where the real trouble started! I cooked because I had to. I cleaned because I had to. I did laundry because I had to. I never enjoyed doing any of those things!!! In fact, I just hated them. Having to do them every day made me miserable. I am 43 now, and just in the last 7-8 months, I am slowly learning to enjoy these things. But I still have to remind myself to enjoy these ‘acts of survival’ consciously... Slowly and surely, I am heading in the right direction. But it has taken me 43 years to get here. Could things have been different if, along with my studies, my parents told me that I had to cook, clean, and do the laundry because these are essential life skills?
My parents obviously had the best intentions and never let me ‘waste’ my time in the kitchen. They just wanted me to focus all my energy and my brain on my studies so that I could get all the luxuries that they could not afford. Well! I have somewhat lived up to their expectations; I have a house, a car, and a decent life. But a big part of that life is cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry too. Something that might have been overlooked while I was growing up. So, in our rush to give our children all the luxuries we never had, are we also ensuring that we are equipping them with ALL the basic LIFE SKILLS and fostering a genuine love for mastering them? Something I ponder on a lot these days…
